Poems for Parents

Pratt's Resources for Parenting & Beyond

How To Bake A Cake             Mom I Am             You Know You're A Mother When ...


How To Bake A Cake
~Anonymous Author~

Light oven.  Get out bowl, spoons, and ingredients.  Grease pan.  Crack nuts.  Remove 18 blocks and 7 toy autos from kitchen table. Measure 2 cups of flour. Remove Kelly's hands from flour.  Wash flour off. Measure 1 more cup of flour to replace flour on floor.  Put flour, baking powder, and salt in sifter.  Get dustpan to brush up pieces of bowl Kelly knocked to floor.  Get another bowl.  Answer phone.  Return.  Take out greased pan.  Remove pinch of salt from pan.  Look at Kelly.  Remove grimy hands from bowl.  Wash off shortening.  Take greased pan and find 1/4 inch of nutshells in it.  Head for Kelly who flees, knocking bowl off table. Wash kitchen floor, wash table, wash walls, wash dishes, wash Kelly. Call bakery.  Lie down.


 

Mom I Am

Written by the posters on the Mom's Online Breastfeeding Board

Little ones can squirm and pout, 
make a fuss and scream and shout. 
When hunger hits without a doubt, 
Sit right down and whip it out. 

I would nurse her if she cried, 
I could nurse her far and wide, 
Here and there or anywhere, 
Up or down or on a chair. 
I could nurse a teddy bear, 
For this fine milk is very rare!!! 

Would you nurse him on a train? 
Would you nurse him on a plane? 
Would you nurse him in a car? 
Would you nurse him in a bar? 

Yes, on a train, yes on a plane. 
Yes, in a car, yes in a bar. 
I would nurse him here or there. 
I would nurse him anywhere! 

I would nurse him in a booth, 
On the stairs or near the roof. 
Anywhere my boy cries out, 
I pop the nummies in his mouth. 

I can serve it by the ounce, 
I can serve it while I bounce. 
In a bottle or in a jar, 
I can serve from near or far. 

Would you, could you nurse in church? 
Would you on a shaky perch? 
Would you, could you, in the stands? 
Could you nurse him with no hands? 

I would, I could nurse in church, 
Even on a shaky perch. 
In the stands, with no hands, 
I'll nurse my baby on demand. 

Would you nurse him at the store? 
Would you nurse him on the floor? 
Would you nurse him on a ship? 
Careful not to show your nip! 
Would you nurse him while on skis? 
Would you nurse her on your knees? 
Would you nurse him in a tree? 
Mommy milk is SO GOOD, you see. 

Would you nurse him by the stream? 
You could nurse him while you dream. 
Can you nurse and clean the house? 
Can you nurse and chase a mouse? 
Can you nurse and cook a meal? 
Mommy's milk is the real deal! 

Would you nurse him while you sleep? 
How about while you sweep? 
Could you nurse him in a sling? 
Would you, could you, while you sing? 
How about upon a swing? 
Mother's milk is just the thing! 

Would you nurse her at the park? 
Would you nurse him in the dark? 
Would you nurse him with a Boppy? 
And when your boobs are feeling floppy? 

I would nurse him in the park, 
I would nurse her in the dark. 
I'd nurse with or without a Boppy. 
Floppy boobs will never stop me. 

Can you nurse with your seatbelt on? 
Can you nurse from dusk till dawn? 
Though she may pinch me, bite me, pull, 
I will nurse her 'till she's full! 

Can you nurse and make some soup? 
Can you nurse and feed the group? 
It makes her healthy strong and smart, 
Mommy's milk is the best start!

Would you nurse him at the game? 
Would you nurse her in the rain? 
In front of those who dare complain? 

I would nurse him at the game. 
I would nurse her in the rain. 
As for those who protest lactation, 
I have a perfect explanation. 
Mommy milk is tailor made 
It's perfect food, you need no aid.. 

Some may scoff and some may wriggle, 
Avert their eyes or even giggle. 
To those who can be cruel and rude, 
Remind them breast's the perfect food! 

I would never scoff or giggle, 
Roll my eyes or even wiggle! 
I would not be so crass or crude, 
I KNOW that milk's the perfect food! 

We make the right amount we need, 
The perfect temp for every feed. 
There's no compare to milk from breast--- 
The perfect food, above the rest. 

Those nursing smiles are oh so sweet, 
Mommy milk is such a treat. 
Human milk just can't be beat. 

I will nurse, in any case, 
On the street or in your face. 
I will not let my baby cry,
I'll meet her needs, I'll always try. 
It's not about what's good for you, 
It's best for babies, through and through. 

I will nurse her in my home, 
I will nurse her when I roam. 
Leave me be lads, leave me be ma'am. 
I will nurse her, mom I am. 


 
You Know You're A Mother When ...

by Liane Kupferberg Carter, Copyrighted
Reprinted with permission

1. You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make they're equal.

2. You have time to shave only one leg at a time.

3. You hide in the bathroom to be alone.

4. Your kid throws up and you catch it.

5. Someone else's kid throws up at a party. You keep eating.

6. You consider finger paints to be a controlled substance.

7. You've mastered the art of placing large quantities of pancakes and eggs on a plate without anything touching.

8. Your child insists that you read "Once Upon a Potty" out loud in the lobby of Grand Central Station and you do it.

9. You cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons; your child chews his toast into the shape of a gun.

10. You hope ketchup is a vegetable, since it's the only one your child eats.

11. You can't bear the thought of your son's first girlfriend.

12. You hate the thought of his wife even more.

13. You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches into cute shapes.

14. You can't bear to give away baby clothes - it's so final.

15. You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth when you say, "NOT in your good clothes!"

16. You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.

17. You donate to charities in the hope that your child won't get that disease.

18. You hire a sitter because you haven't been out with your husband in ages, then spend half the night checking on the kids.

19. You use your own saliva to clean your child's face.

20. You say at least once a day, "I'm not cut out for this job", but you know you wouldn't trade it for anything.


 

Note: If you know if any of these poems are copyrighted (or know the author), please let me know.