Pratt's Resources for Parenting & Beyond
Light oven. Get out bowl, spoons, and ingredients. Grease pan. Crack nuts. Remove 18 blocks and 7 toy autos from kitchen table. Measure 2 cups of flour. Remove Kelly's hands from flour. Wash flour off. Measure 1 more cup of flour to replace flour on floor. Put flour, baking powder, and salt in sifter. Get dustpan to brush up pieces of bowl Kelly knocked to floor. Get another bowl. Answer phone. Return. Take out greased pan. Remove pinch of salt from pan. Look at Kelly. Remove grimy hands from bowl. Wash off shortening. Take greased pan and find 1/4 inch of nutshells in it. Head for Kelly who flees, knocking bowl off table. Wash kitchen floor, wash table, wash walls, wash dishes, wash Kelly. Call bakery. Lie down.
Little ones can squirm and pout,
I would nurse her if she cried,
Would you nurse him on a train?
Yes, on a train, yes on a plane.
I would nurse him in a booth,
I can serve it by the ounce,
Would you, could you nurse in church?
I would, I could nurse in church,
Would you nurse him at the store?
Would you nurse him by the stream?
Would you nurse him while you sleep?
Would you nurse her at the park?
I would nurse him in the park,
Can you nurse with your seatbelt on?
Can you nurse and make some soup?
Would you nurse him at the game?
I would nurse him at the game.
Some may scoff and some may wriggle,
I would never scoff or giggle,
We make the right amount we need,
Those nursing smiles are oh so sweet,
I will nurse, in any case,
I will nurse her in my home,
by Liane Kupferberg Carter, Copyrighted
1. You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make they're equal.
2. You have time to shave only one leg at a time.
3. You hide in the bathroom to be alone.
4. Your kid throws up and you catch it.
5. Someone else's kid throws up at a party. You keep eating.
6. You consider finger paints to be a controlled substance.
7. You've mastered the art of placing large quantities of pancakes and eggs on a plate without anything touching.
8. Your child insists that you read "Once Upon a Potty" out loud in the lobby of Grand Central Station and you do it.
9. You cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons; your child chews his toast into the shape of a gun.
10. You hope ketchup is a vegetable, since it's the only one your child eats.
11. You can't bear the thought of your son's first girlfriend.
12. You hate the thought of his wife even more.
13. You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches into cute shapes.
14. You can't bear to give away baby clothes - it's so final.
15. You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth when you say, "NOT in your good clothes!"
16. You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.
17. You donate to charities in the hope that your child won't get that disease.
18. You hire a sitter because you haven't been out with your husband in ages, then spend half the night checking on the kids.
19. You use your own saliva to clean your child's face.
20. You say at least once a day, "I'm not cut out for this job", but you know you wouldn't trade it for anything.
Note: If you know if any of these poems are copyrighted
(or know the author), please let me know.